Why don't kid's shits sink?
Seriously. If I converted my diet to 100% hot dogs, chicken fingers and candy would my deuces float? (lets be honest, if that were the case I would have had a porcelain armada in college) Mythbusters need to tackle this subject.
Now when my little guy was just getting potty trained, the little floating feces weren't that alarming. But now, I flip the toilet seat open first thing in the morning and find the G.I. Joe aircraft carrier waiting for me.
It's inconceivable that this monster didn't sink. I honestly dont' remember if mine ever floated. I can't see how. Sticking with the nautical theme, I'm more like the Hunt for Red October. (no I don't shit telescopes) They keep diving and diving to deeper depths, never breaching the surface.
These floaters really have my mind racing. Certainly if I was trapped on a desert island void of trees, I would try to convince the lone hot chick (also trapped on the island) that we would need to have lots of sex so that she could pop out a baby or two, in hopes of cultivating enough preschool poo to build a raft in 3-5 years.
The initial conversation would probably go something like this:
ME: Hey...I can't help but notice we live next to each other.
HotChick: We're the only two people on this island.
ME: So I have this idea on how to get off...
HC: I've seen what you've been doing behind the bushes!
ME: Oh right...no, I have an idea how to get off the island.
HC: Really? This isn't a trick for me to have sex with you is it?
ME: (incredulous) You think because you're the only vagina on this island not made from coconut husks, that I'm into you?
HC: I just assumed the way you've been staring at me from behind the bushes...
ME: Enough about the bushes! Do you want to hear my plan or not?
....5 minutes pass while I explain the plan in great detail....
ME: (cont)...and then to avoid chaffing from all the sand, I think it would be best if I laid in the shallow surf.
HC: (staring expressionless at me) I need you to start wearing pants.
ME: Soooo...want to go look at my sand sculpture porn to get in the mood?
-END SCENE-
Grant it, it's a long plan, and I haven't had an opportunity to iron out all the details yet, but I think it makes for a plausible escape option, if not for a potential summer blockbuster.
Mike this is truly masterpiece commentary. You should seriously consider taking your talents and trying to make some side income/joy out of your humor. Not to say that Brolympicplatinum.blogspot.com is not a sheer work of poetic beauty. Nevertheless, your wit and observation skills are just a pleasure to read. I much appreciate your time and efforts. Go Green!
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