SATURDAY A.M.
To the surprise of no one, everyone was moving at a sub standard pace Saturday morning. Picture the zombies from the Walking Dead...only think of them walking at half speed. That was the scene Saturday morning.*
*unless you were referring to the scene from the basement bathroom...then that resembled the first thirty minutes of Saving Private Ryan. (and/or see banner image above)
To say I was shitting liquid fire would be a gross understatement...as well as a horrifically gross statement. Now I'm not ready to claim biological warfare was used via the opposition, but we did win the first two Friday events after a successful round of golf. Hmmm...How it was hypothetically administered...we'll never know.
OPENING CEREMONIES
For half a decade, we've performed the same ritual...it never gets old.
EVENT ONE- Hockey
Speaking of more of the same, Team Fugate administered another curb stomp at Hockey. Team Erno hysterically thought they had a chance now that Lewis was not in goal. However, Deluca shut the front door on them and kept Team Erno's 0-fer streak alive. Period breakdowns are sadly missing from this event, but the final score was Team Fugate 7, Team Erno 3. With goal scoring as follows:
Team Fugate Team Erno
Ty- 1 Rose- 1
Lewis- 2 Weaver- 2
Nate- 4
We don't need common core standards to let us know that it would have been a tie game if Nate wasn't there. What. A. Dick. (Unbiased reporting alert) After our first event on Saturday, Team Fugate reclaims the lead for the weekend:
Team Fugate 2 - Team Erno 1
Prop Bets:
First Goal- Lewis
Combined Goals over/under 6 1/2- Over
MVP- Nate
EVENT TWO- Home Run Derby
The previous days events were still taking its toll on some competitors. (see above snapshot of park port-a-john, post use) To say I was dehydrated would be an insult to deserts. My lumbar was also more locked up than Rose's secret porn collection. This may appear like I'm laying the groundwork for Excuseville,population me, but....well...yeah, that's exactly what I'm doing.
The field was either looking a little long, or none of us ate our wheaties (or we're just getting old), because there weren't a ton of fireworks this year. Chris opened up the event with two bombs giving Team Erno an early 2-0 lead. Nate, suffering some blood loss from fighting off his hockey boner hit a solo shot to bring Team Fugate within one. 2-1 Team Erno.
Mike E. entering one of his best non-drinking events (besides post bowling yacking) was a shell of his former sell, failing to hit a single tater. His therapist has tried to convince him that he needs to get over this, but the multiple cuts to his inner thigh and binge eating tell a different story. Lewis was up next for Team Fugate and made Mike E. pay for his pathetic performance. He was living lavida loco and crushed a four spot, putting Team Fugate ahead 5-2.
Weaver, historically one of Team Erno's best deep threats was only able to muster one, and closed the gap 5-3. Like spanish fly, Mike M. immediately opened that gap back up and gave Team Fugate their three run lead back. 6-3 Team Fugate.
Rose launched an absolute missile to chip back to a two run deficit. 6-4 Team Fugate. Anthony must have been taking notes from Mike E. and decided to play a game of pepper instead of long ball. The score remains 6-4 Team Fugate going into our last two batters.
Chad was Team Erno's last chance of pulling off the victory and bringing the day's events to a tie, but he too was allergic to the four bagger, sealing the victory for Team Fugate. For posterity and prostatery's sake, Ty finished up his at-bats knocking in one more for Team Fugate. Final score, a pathetic 7 - 4.
Team Fugate 3 - Team Erno 1
Prop Bets:
Player with most amount of HRs over/under 8 1/2- Under
Furthest Home Run- Rose
MVP- Lewis
EVENT THREE- Horse Shoes
Horseshoes, maybe Chris's best event and the best chance for Team Erno to get back into it, was tortured by the luck of the selection show bingo wheel, and not slated to play unless we needed a tiebreaker third match.
The infield was a soupy mess and we decided to move the shoes to a grassy area beside the field. The lack of sand/ dirt pit made this an excruciatingly long event. It was a sloppy affair.
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| Some had to overcome muddy hands to stay hydrated |
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| Some had the appropriate use of phils sweatshirts- mud rag |
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| Jersey Tuck 4-Life |
One of the first match-ups pitted Ty and Nate vs. Weaver and Rose. After a period of line drive horseshoe throws and chasing the shoes through the woods, Weaver and Rose sealed the 15 -10 victory over Ty and Nate.
In our other matchup, Mike E. and Chad tried to give Team Erno the easy victory, but Lewis and Motz had other plans. This game went back and forth, with numerous lead changes and then incredible droughts of no one scoring. Getting my appendix removed was less painful than watching this game. Team Erno was a point away from putting this event to bed, when Team Fugate had a big round to go up by one. Needing to win by two, both teams monkeyed around scoring a point here and there, but never sustaining a monster round. Team Fugate mercifully pulled the plug on this match, winning 19 -17, forcing a pivotal third match.
Chris, who was essentially swimming in busch light the entire time the other games were taking place, finally had a chance to do his thing. Him and Weaver went up against Anthony and Motz. Properly lubricated, Chris and Weaver made short work of the competition, and brought home the victory for Team Erno.
Team Fugate 3 - Team Erno 2
Prop Bets:
First Ringer- Mike E.
Player w/ most ringers in one game, over/under 2 1/2- Over
Chris vs. Field most ringers- Field
MVP- Chris
UP NEXT
- Soccer Shootout
- Bear balls at the bowling Alley
- The day starts to slip away
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