That's Rank!

In another attempt to keep things moving until Oct. 12, another new segment is in the works. With out further ado:


That's Rank!

This is where I will be reviewing potential new events as well as a some classic events.  Note- the reviews may not reflect the opinions, tastes or delicate sensibilities of the Brolympic Board of Governors. 

Here is the rating system:


One Bong:  A one bong rating is the lowest rating an event can get.  It's not quite as bad as tweezing nut hairs off a hobo, and weaving those hairs into a pot holder, and using that pot holder as a dust mask and/or loofah, but honestly...it's not much better.

Two Bong: A two bong rating is not the worst, but it's lacking something. Mainly nut hairs from a hobo. It's like a porn star getting fluffed with sandpaper.  The intent is admirable, but the execution is less than attractive.

Three Bong: The three bonger is the Mendoza line of Brolympic event ratings.  Hover a little over this line and you have a pretty decent event.  Start to teeter under it, and you're dangerously close to being a Hello Kitty Pog round robin tournament. 

 Four Bong: You can't get much better than a four bong rating.  An event worthy of this is almost perfection.  Something so great, yet has a small flaw holding it back.  Think, motor-boating  Kate Upton, only to look up and see your parents/ priest/ rabbi/ or wife. 

Five Bong: Also known as a "BINGO".  Which is ironic, because plain old bingo would only receive a  two bong rating, at best. However, if we played where someone from your team had to take a shot every time a number was called out on your board...well, then we might be on to something.  It would give "blackout" a new meaning.  This is the holy grail of events, reserved for fabled performances, where the competition and boozing of the day blend perfectly.  These are the events where legends are made and the stories of them will be shared for many generations.    

Please reference this handy ranking system anytime an event is reviewed.  As an added bonus, feel free to incorporate it into everyday life:

 In the bedroom,

"Sweety, that was a 3 1/2 bonger". 

In the work place,

 "That report was a four bong effort!"

 "Excuse me sir, I don't think I follow..."

 "Imagine me motor-boating Kate Upton, only to have a church choir in the back ground"

  "For mood music?"

 "BINGO!"

And many other hilarious situations.  Stay tuned for the actual event reviews, in the next 1-3 months.  Stay classy San Diego.