That's Rank- Croquet Edition

Before we dive into our first event review of the preseason, make sure you familiarize yourself with the ranking system associated with these columns.  And if you've seen through my blatant attempt to make sure you've looked at the rankings again, congratulations Sherlock...I can't hide how unnaturally pleased I am with myself.  So much so, that I'm currently holding my backpack in front of me... if you know what I mean.

Insert record scratch...

Awkward transition into first event review:

CROQUET

Non-believers, keep an open mind.  This potential new event is the proverbial bomb. Honestly, that's all I should have to write.  However, I will continue on, simply to pad this column for length. (In case you're doing some light reading on the throne and need some time to finish your masterpiece.) (I'm a considerate m'fer.)

First off, this is not your grandmother's Croquet.  Get this image out of your head (as well as the previous one if possible):

Not yo mama's croquet

Second off, I'm not going to hide my unabashed, completely biased opinion of this event. If you have a problem with that, start your own blog go bong some jooze.  This will be the perfect back yard event to maximize competition as well as beverage consumption. 

If chosen, we will be playing standard Erno rules. 

Standard Erno Rules:

The layout is your typical nine wicket layout.

Each person will take a turn trying to get your ball through the next corresponding wicket.  Every time your ball passes through a wicket (more than half way) you are permitted another turn.  If you hit another players ball, you have the option for another turn, or you may "send" your opponent.  Sending consists of placing your opponent's ball next to yours (hehehe).  Place your foot on top of your ball securing it to the ground.  Then take a monstrous cut at the front of your ball causing your opponents ball to go flying across the course, or into a non-advantageous location.  (Mouth guards and/or cups may be needed.)

On your way through the course, at the north end, you must hit your ball through the double wicket and then hit the pole before advancing back south.  At the south end of the course, you must hit your ball through both wickets WITHOUT hitting the pole at the end. (tricky, tricky)  Those who hit the pole at the end are out of the game. 

Sayonara red ball!

Players that successfully navigate your way through the entire course become stingers. Stingers, on their turns, may take aim at other players.  If a stinger hits you, you are out of the game.  Erno rules state that if you hit a stinger on your turn, you are not out.  You have the standard option for another turn, or the possibly wise decision to send the stinger far away. (see how awesome this would be?!) Last man standing wins.


Let's break this down into a little pro/con action to accentuate the curves if you will:

Pros:

• It kicks ass
• Easy to hold a beverage at all times
• No driving involved...unless I'm sending your ass into Ty's woods.
• High entertainment value while you wait your turn
• It's an event that levels playing field, not a high amount of skill needed.
• An excellent mix of strategy and aggression
• Impromptu Hammer Throws

Cons:

• None

Final Ranking: