Brolympic Platinum

Holy Hell fellas...can you believe we're still doing this?! #livingthedream As per yoos, we're not exactly printing film recounting our beloved weekend, so expect the same stellar accuracy as past recaps. (Although we're getting pretty damn close with all the documented content.) Without further ado, welcome to the Brolympic IX recaps. (part 1 of a 100 series*).

*lord I hope that's not true

PREAMBLE
As is the case every year, excitement begins to build about a month out. Group texts are flying, trash talk is tossed around, the occasional training regiment (i.e. BM movement) is shared...and then every once in awhile, a legendary video emergences from the shit. Channeling his inner Balboa, Nate sent this masterpiece:

I kept refreshing Chris Mortensen's twitter feed for updates as we approached BRO IX. The Commish was out west tuning his three putt, and making caddies retrieve unreleased swag from Pacific adjacent cliffs. Meanwhile, a couple members of Team Erno were fighting some flu like symptoms. One member of the team, risked failing a Brolympic piss test while fighting his flu with copious amounts of bacon, Busch Light and whatever the hell this is:

THURSDAY:
Whatever was in it, it must have worked because we started getting pictures of this:

And then this:

And before you knew it Chris was the first one to clock in for BRO IX. Meanwhile, Ty was still on the West Coast...missing flights and putting his Friday Golf Game in question. He had little to worry about, as his unofficial grounds keeper cut grass and then awaited the arrival of his children from the bus along with his in-laws. It would have been a terrific premise for a TGIF sitcom.

Chuck also clocking in.

The early insights were already off the charts:

After his annual contraband stop, Anthony arrived at Bro HQ. Looking like a Chuck E. Cheese on wheels, Mike E. rolled in shortly after. These three Italian studs unpacked and then measured and laid out a slightly superior volleyball court to the "Playing w/ the Boys" era, BROVIII's court. (to be fair, that court looked like it was drawn by a no-armed parkinson patient on roller blades) Trying not to creep out the Commishes family, especially the in-laws, the cast of Goodfellas made their way into town to grab a bite and a couple of drinks. There were talks of other Bros joining us Thursday night, especially due to the early tee time, but Chad was the only one who made it.

Much to Ty's dismay, he would not be making it back to HQ until around 2 a.m. Friday morning The four Bros made themselves at home in the bottom of BRO HQ and hunkered in to watch the Browns try to earn their first victory of the 2018 season. Unfortunately around 11:15 p.m., Ty's house lost power. Cornwall went darker than a late afternoon spelunker in an Anchorage cave. Fear not, The Notorious A.N.T. saved the day and found the radio broadcast as we listened to Cleveland's biggest win since Lebron's 2016 championship.

UP Next:

Jet Lagged Commish
36 Holes of nonsense and Hornitos
The Selection Show Swagathon

At the mid-day point of the Brocho, we found the Champs up 3-1 for the day. A quick lunch break was had and then it was time to board the van to the bowling alley. Also known as the part of the day when Brolympics gets cranked to 11.

Number of Bros taking picture with the Van driver went WAY OVER.

Lest anyone think this weekend is overflowing with testosterone and machismo, the following video was inexplicably recorded...and even more inexplicably published on a public blog.

#pitchperfect

Nate summed up our combined inner monologue:

Upon arrival at the bowling alley, Mike E. made like David Copperfield and made an entire bottle of Dirt Wolf disappear. Though not all that impressive by itself, it may have tipped the rest of his evening over the peak of sober mountain. Composure, Pride, Dignity, and any semblance of athletic aptitude also vanished.

EVENT FIVE- BOWLING

Some highlights from the best of three match up- Weav led Team Erno with a healthy 153. He opened the game with a strike, spare, spare in the first three frames. Another fast starter was Chris and his trusty bear. He went spare, strike, strike to open the game and had a higher 3rd frame score than his cousin's 8th frame score. What a disgrace. Chris couldn't find the spares to end the game, but still ended with a very respectable 135. Rose marked in over half the frames, with five spares and one strike, good for second highest point total on the team and a 141 final score. Chad, after catching two spares in the first four rounds, couldn't find his grove and didn't break the Motz line, but luckily cleared the Merno line with a total of 95. Would the final team score of 613 be strong enough to pull out the first game victory?

Motz like his opening frame counter part, sniped a single pin on his first toss. He finished considerably better than that guy, by marking on five frames with two strikes and four spares. Deluca tossed the opposite of heat, but still marked on four frames, including the 10th, to catapult himself to 106. After a first frame strike, the Commish had a slow 2nd and 3rd frame, but then racked up two more strikes and three spares over the final seven frames, for a total of 143. Nate went full turkey on us, tossing three strikes in a row from the 3rd-5th frames. He almost got another one, but decided to leave one pin standing in the 9th. He finished with 6 total strikes and a big boy score of 166...which wasn't the team high.

Lewis gave a "hi, how are ya" to Team Erno by tossing a 175, complete with seven frames with marks (four strikes and three spares). Final team score of 718 was "sort of okay" and more than enough to take home game one in the best of three matchup.

Game 2

Complete game photographic evidence isn't as strong for this one, but we have a good bit of it. Mike E. opened the game by gutter, sparing the first frame. Followed that spare up with another gutter, nine. He also had a gutter, one in the 4th, so it could have been worse. Of his twenty tosses in this game, he had 11 throws that scored 5 or worse. He closed out his turd sandwich with a tenth frame of one, two for a total of 87.

Like I said composure.

Meanwhile the rest of Team Erno wasn't having the game they had hoped. Both Chris and Chad found themselves under 100 pts. Chris had to spare/ strike the 10th to jump from a 71 to close with a 91. Chad opened with a strike, but could only muster a 98. I don't have Weaver and Roses 10th frames. Weaver had a 108, but he strikes the 9th and was one throw into his 10th. (a 2 point toss). Rose was at a clean120 in the ninth. Between the two of them they scored 42 between Weavs 9th/10th and Roses 10th. Team Erno finished with a paltry 560.

Team Fugate found themselves humming along with contributions from the entire team. Motz had a turkey between the 4th and 6th frames, totaling 133 points. Nate marked five times for a total of 136. Even though we all age considerably between the time Deluca lets go of the ball and when it hits the pins, he had a hell of a game. He spared five times, including three in a row, and tacked on a 10th frame strike to finish with 143 points! In between pushing pitchers of Perpetual, like Bubbles selling white T's on the Wire, Ty came back down to earth with a 97. Lewis finished with 118, scattering 4 spares throughout the game. Team Fugate wins the best of three with a score of 627 in game 2.

On our way out the door, the Commish had some parting thoughts.

PROP BETS:

Types of Booze on Van Ride. Over/Under 3.5: Over
Players Getting Picture w/ Van Driver. Over/ Under 3.5: Over
First Strike: Ty
Highest Bowling Score in One Game: Lewis
Highest Bowling Score. Over/ Under 170.5: Over
Lowest Bowling Score: Mike E.
Lowest Bowling Score. Over/ under 81.5: Over
High Team Score. Over/ Under 685.5: Over
First Gutter Ball: Chris
Pitchers of Beer Ordered. Over/Under 13.5: Under (10)
MVP: Lewis

TEAM FUGATE 2 - TEAM ERNO 3

The Van ride back to Bro HQ is often spent recovering from the 2+ hour bingefest at the alley. But not always:

Hydration mixologist at work. Howl at that Wolf! HOOOOOOOWL!!!

Mike E. doing some rehydrating of his own.

I'm not 100% certain, but I'm pretty sure Ty ripped this right off a wayward steer.

Jerky Boys

Despite getting smoked in Bowling, spirits were still high for Team Erno.

Jerky Boys: Live

EVENT SIX- THREE POINT SHOOT OUT

Historically not the best event for Team Erno to bounce back from a loss, as their lifetime record is 0-forever. Would this be their year?! Nate opened the event for Team Fugate with a one. Yup, you read that correct. A one. So the door is open. Would Team Erno be able to take advantage?! Weaver followed up with a 6 spot. Team Erno up 6 - 1. Motz brought TF back with a 5 spot in the top of the 2nd round. Next up for TE was sharp shooter Mike E., looking to extend the lead.

Mike E. is so very grateful for all the footage from Weav. What an esteem booster to relieve such high points in your life. (more on that later) Back to game at hand. The sure footed Italian, inspired by Nate's opening round, matched that one spot. You also read that correct. Uno point. Team Erno maintained a slim lead 7-6. Would home court advantage come into play, as the Commish lined up next for TF. He proceeded to rip 6 points. Noted b-ball enthusiast Chad was up next for TE. He gamely knocked home 5 points. Round 1 of Three Point Shoot Out is knotted in a 12-12 tie!

Tank top sponsor and sometime MVP of this event, Lewis, was up next for TF. The usually reliable stroke was not quite there, as he finished with 4 points. Would this be The Champs time to pull away? Rose popped in a surprising six pack, to give them the lead 18-16. Was TE actually going to steal a round from this event?! It would come down to the round 5 match up of Deluca vs. Chris. Deluca knocked in 5 to put TF up 21-18. Chris needing 3 to tie and 4 for the round one victory, unfortunately took the wrong moment in time to take after his slightly older cousin, finishing with one point. Yup. One again. We've all been there. Literally for some of us. Team Fugate takes Round 1, 21-19.

Did The Champs miss a golden opportunity to try and steal an event? Nate opened Round 2 by doubling his Round One score. Pretty sure he was trying to only score the number of the rounds. Weaver closed round one with a 4 spot for TE, putting them up 4-2 for the round. Mike M., found the twine for 3 points to put the TF up by one. Would the completely blitzed Italian Gorilla be able to knock any home? Mike E. some how matched Mike M. with a 3 of his own, keeping the two point lead for TE, 7-5. The Commish, getting sick of the low scores, slashed his nuts in all our faces with a 9 point explosion. Suddenly TE is down 7-14. Needing to double their score, Chad said, fuck it, and let 'er rip for 7! I know he's a teammate, but I would have bet my mortgage he wouldn't have scored 7. Game tied 14-14!

Once again Lewis is up with the round tied up. Inspired by Ty's performance, he too knocked down 9 points, to put TF up big. Would Rose be able to sack up and match Chad's performance? Long story short, no. He put up the dreaded one spot that bit the Erno cousin's in Round 1. Team Fugate up 23-15. Team Erno needed a stinker of a round from Deluca to keep this event close. The Notorious ANT had other plans.

He almost matched his two previous teammates scores and closed out the round with an 8. It was almost mathematically impossible for TE to pull this one out, but they're not quitters. Down 31-15, Chris made a mini-run and put 7 on the boards to close the deficit to single digits. Team Fugate wins Round 2 and the best of three match up 31-22, but more importantly they tie up the days events.

PROP BETS:

Player w/ Highest Round: Ty/ Lewis (9)
High Round Score. Over/Under 10.5: Under
First Air Ball: Nate
Mike E. total points. Over/Under 7.5: Under
MVP: Ty

TEAM FUGATE 3 - TEAM ERNO 3

You could feel the momentum shifting in favor of Team Fugate as we headed into the next event. Luckily there were still good times to be had by all.

The Craigslist Missed Encounters page works!

Charlie keeping pace with Chris.

EVENT SEVEN- VOLLEYBALL

Volleyball is back, and like the shirt/ song/ us say...we we're playing with the boys! Unfortunately there is not a tremendous amount of coverage for this event. First off, our court dimensions would not have passed a breathalyzer test, let alone have been sanctioned by any official governing body. It looked like a rhombus in a fun house mirror. It looked like Stevie Wonder gave Ray Charles a piggy back ride on a unicycle and drew the lines. You get the picture.

Any how, the evening started to get away from this reviewer around this time...due to reasons.

But I do have a vague recollection of some controversy, a lot of fireball, and diving headfirst into the ground and staying there for a prolonged period of time. I came to laying in Ty's back yard to this:

The Champs were letting the chance to repeat slip through their fingers. Team Fugate wins Volleyball and takes back the lead for the day for the first time since morning pong.

PROP BETS:

First Block at Net: Weaver
First Spike: Weaver
First Dive: Ty
Rose Shirtless Yes or No: Yes
MVP: Nate

TEAM FUGATE 4 - TEAM ERNO 3

EVENT EIGHT- FOOSBALL

Zero stats. Zero scores. Zero Memory.

There we are. Playing Foosball. It must have happened.

Around this time of the evening, we lost our first soldier for the remainder of the games.

"There She Blows!"- Dave W.

"Stick a fork in him"- Mike M.

By some miracle (Weav), Team Erno pulled out the victory to even the day back up.

PROP BETS:

Combined Score of Deciding Game. Over/Under 16.5: Under
Goals from one Player in One Game. Over/Under 5.5: Over
Player w/ Most Goals: Weaver
Juan Goals. Over/Under 2.5: Under
MVP: Weaver

TEAM FUGATE 4 - TEAM ERNO 4

EVENT NINE- DARTS

Well...it's coming down to event nine for all the marbles! Unfortunately, there's more documentation of the Lost Village of Roanoke than this event. Lewis is probably your best bet to get some stories, as he had to point a number of our players in the right direction and help them aim. Competition at it's finest!

I'm not going to drag this out any longer (as I have a Selection Show to work on for BROIX). Team Fugate retakes the Cup with a 5-4 victory on the day!! I'm sure Team Erno will be kicking themselves at the many moments during the day that they let slip away. Alas it wasn't in the cards, and we tip our caps to Team Fugate for their all around team performance and recapturing a title that wasn't without them for very long.

PROP BETS: