Parting Message

The Weather, with Al Roker.

This will probably be the last weather update prior to tomorrow. If Cornwall got what M-burg has been getting, things are probably pretty soggy. Knowing that the hockey rink takes some water, we'll be shop vacing any water that may have accumulated on the rink. We may have to dig some sort of french drain. Unsure at this time.


They're also calling for it to be windy, so I've been playing that paper toss game on my phone a lot today in anticipation of dealing with the elements.

Anyhow, that's what we're looking at as of 3:45 p.m. Friday afternoon. Al Roker, signing off.

Locations

I made a map of the four locations that will be utilized tomorrow. They are noted with a volcano, due to the explosive nature of these outings.

1. Cornwall Borough Hockey Rink (Opening Ceremonies, Hockey, Home Run Derby, and Horse Shoes in baseball infield)

2. Cornwall Elementary School (Basketball)

3. Cedar Lanes Bowling Alley (Bowling/ Lunch)
BONUS FACT: According to inside sources, they have towers of beer/ table taps there. I'm not using hyperbole when I say that is the greatest news I've heard all week.

4. Ty's House (Cornhole, Ladder Golf, NES Challenge,Dinner, Flip Cup, Beer Pong, Closing Ceremonies)



View Brolympic Locations in a larger map

NES Sports Challenge Fluffer

Chuck Rhodes Reporting- Sat. Oct.15 Forecast

Not too shabby. Might be a little nippily out for some of you. Fortunately Rose and I will be wearing our sweater vests. Although they are calling for at least 50% chance of rain between now and 7 p.m. Friday night. And then 30% from 7 p.m. Friday - 4 a.m. Saturday morning. Obviously this bitch is rain or shine.

Do you smell...what Starman is cooking?!

Brick Tamland's Weather Report

Looks promising. Probably going to rain between now and then, so bring your hair dryers* to help dry off the court.

*I'm unsure what that device is, so I'll just be bringing bulk talc.

Probably the Greatest Fan Made Joose Commercial Ever

Stick tap to Nate for the excellent find:

BROLYMPIC PROP BET EXTRAVIGANZA

See the bets below. I'll email everyone a copy as well. We'll need to decide if this is just for fun, or if you want to bet some money. Winners take all, no house percentages. If we go that route, do you want to say, throw $5 in with your picks and person w/ most correct wins the pot? Or do you want to bet on individual bets? Can be optional if you have no interest. Sounds like a last minute poll is needed.

Bring Your Own Saftey Googles, and Tourniquet

I'm not even going to ask how*, but Ty stumbled across this site and thought this might be a potential new event since he's located in the woods now:

* obviously googled "lumberjack porn"

Drink it all in...

New trophy tease:

The previously promised mega ass update...

You know it's getting close when we can track the weather in the 10 day forecast. I'm going to drop some knowledge like Rose drops deuces in multiple states during a road trip.

Based on feedback and logistics, it looks like the events will be as advertised. Although a 3 inning kickball event may be a wildcard.

LOGISTICS

Try to get your sleepy asses to Ty's by around 8 a.m. I know the probability of that for some of you is low. Ty has offered and encouraged anyone to sleep over Friday night who is interested. (Special Announcement for my team: If you stay at Ty's Friday night, I want you to drink nothing but gatorade and pedialyte. Consider yourselves on "dry island". Don't let them roofie you, etc.)

The opening ceremonies and first few events are a mile away. So we'll try to park as many vehicles a Ty's. If for some reason you're going straight to the park, let Ty or I know.

EVENTS

Opening Ceramonies: 8:15 a.m.- Cornwall Borough Hockey Rink


View Cornwall Borough Hockey Rink in a larger map

1. Hockey- 8:30 a.m.
- Three 15 minute periods
- 5 on 5
- Outdoor rink w/ boards and player benches

2. Home Run Derby- 9:45 a.m.
- whiffle ball
- 1 round (everyone bats)
- 10 outs per person (any swing that isn't a home run = an out)

3. Horse Shoes- 10:15 a.m.
-2 on 2 (two simultaneous games)
- the player that sits out has to play in case of tie-breaker 3rd game

4. Basketball- 11:15 a.m. (location to be finalized)
- 5 on 5
- Three games to 15
- Half court

5. Bowling/ Lunch- 12:30 p.m. (location to be finalized) (possibility of transportation to be finalized)
- 5 0n 5
- Best of 3
- Food and booze available at alley

6. Cornhole- 3:00 p.m. (Ty's)
- 2 on 2
- two simultaneous game
- one person sits out (to be used in tie-breaker 3rd game if necessary)

7. Ladder Golf- 4:00 p.m. (Ty's)
- 2 on 2 or 4 on 4 depending on how many sets we can find (speak up if you have access to one)
- Best of 3
- Official rules have games going to 21 exact (cannot go over, if you go over, throw doesn't count)
- one person sits out (to be used in tie-breaker 3rd game if necessary)

8. NES Sports Challenge- 5:00 p.m. (Ty's)
- Five different NES era games downloaded to the Wii
- Tecmo Bowl
- Blades of Steel/ Ice Hockey
- Double Dribble
- RBI Baseball
- Excitebike/ Pro Wrestling
- Bonus game: Rose and his powermatt vs. us puking
- One player from each team plays one game vs. opposing team

- Dinner Break (can be built in around NES Challenge)

9. Flip Cup- 7:00 p.m.
- 5 on 5
- Best of 7

10. Mega Beer Pong- 8:00 p.m.
- Teams alternate players taking turns till winner is decided


****all times subject to change and may be drastically off before first event starts****

Drink Minimums

Each event your team must consume a minimum of seven beers. Games where a player is sitting out (horseshoes, cornhole, ladder golf), that player must drink a minimum of two on their own.

You are strongly encouraged to drink more than the minimum.

Cash Rules Everything Around Me

There will be some expenses to these proceedings. You may/ will need some funds for the following:

- T-Shirts (Ty will let us know cost)
- Bowling (3 games plus lunch and drinks)
- Chipping in for cabs/ transportation service if we can find a decent option
- Fantasy football money owed to Ty or Fantasy Hockey Money owed to me
- Money to chip in for dinner

What to bring

- Who can bring a case of beer? (make it cold)
- Plan on spending night at Ty's Saturday night. If day goes according to plan, no one should be driving.
- If you're booking a two night stay at Ty's bed and breakfast, make sure you pack accordingly
- We're in our 30's, I think we can figure the rest out (Counterpoint: although we are playing in an all day drinking event called "Brolympics")
- Speaking of...anyone have the bong from last year? May need a new one if not.


Yet to come:

- Sneak peak at New Championship Trophy
- Least valuable player news
- Weather updates
- Prop bets?

Less than two weeks dillweeds.

Work has been a huge detriment in me getting much bro blogging done. Apparently I don't know how to use the computer when I'm not at work. Between now and the actual events, I hope to post more details, such as locations, event times, booze particulars, etc.

There are some kinks we're working out currently. (like finding a basketball court) I'd be lying if I said I'm not using Google Maps satellite feature to find parks in Cornwall Borough.

So that this is not a complete fluffer of a post, here are the events that were voted on a month or so ago (not necessarily in order):

1. Hockey
2. Homerun Derby
3. Horse Shoes
4. Basketball
5. Bowling
6. Cornhole
7. Ladder Golf
8. NES Sports Challenge*
9. Flip Cup
10. Beer Pong

* Five original NES Sports game. One player from each team go head to head in the following games: Double Dribble, Blades of Steel, RBI Baseball, Tecmo Bowl, Excite Bike/ Pro Wrestling

Looking back on this, there is some concern that there are not enough "physical" events. I mean, this is brolympics, not extreme kegeling right? Sooo...this gives us an excuse for a last minute poll. (as well as post this picture)

More to come. *

Don't get me wrong. I'm perfectly happy with the current list. They are all pretty badass, especially w/ team drink mimimums per events. But I will listen to some feedback. Mind you, logistics and timing will be a factor in all events. (i.e. this may be the ten we're sticking w/ no matter what)

*feels a little dirty to type that so close to the urethra.

One Month

Ladies, start stretching your collective groins. No, I'm not asking you all over for an impromptu circle jerk. (Sick F's.) We have one month till the second annual Broylmpics. Thought I'd share a few updates.

DATE

If you are asking yourself, "When is this rager again?", please, please, please mark the date:

OCTOBER 15th BITCHES

SHIRTS

Have already been ordered. Some of you have seen a sneak peak at the design. Classy enough to wear to a high end strip club, not too stuffy to wear a your favorite relatives wake. Ty will hit us up with the details of what we need to kick back to him.

NEW TROPHY

Hypothetically speaking, say I spent a good hour or so in my garage with some recycled plastics, super glue and a drill? Glorious doesn't describe it. Sort of like a 3 a.m. bowel movement after a night out on the town. Sometimes you have to see it to believe it.

Don't worry the good ol' toilet seat has survived two moves and will be around this year to continue acting as our individual MVP award for each event. (It may or may not have been used at 3 a.m. over the last year. No promises.)

WHAT ABOUT THE EVENTS?

Good question dick. They are pretty much finalized and will revealed in an upcoming post. Hopefully in the order of the events with estimated start times.

MISC

The good news is that we don't have to bring our passports to go bowling this year. It's a little closer to home base. We're still trying to work out travel arrangements so that no one has to risk their life riding with Lewis, as he treats getting to and from alley like an 11th event.

Bad news/ Good News- The bad news is I've been having some arm pain (too much YouPorn), but the good news (for my team, not you other f'ers) is that the doctors gave me some steroids. Don't worry, it's in pill form, so none of my teammates have to erotically rub the cream or the clear on my back side.

Finally, I hope you checked out the Turkey Bowl site for a glimpse at Hogg's favorite new boy band and a growing concern over the remodelling choices being made at Moe's.

Challenge

The new park we're playing at has a challenging checklist for us to complete by days end. Although not an official event, there should be a prize for completing the list. Sort of like blackout bingo. Just so you know how to game plan, I figure if my dog can propel itself across the court on a skateboard or bike... powered with explosive diarrhea and fireworks, I'll be pretty tough to beat.

Vino Bong

Was looking up a price on a bottle of wine, when I came across this site:

Notice the highlighted pretentious comment? If you can't read it, it says:

Tasted by Winward on 1/13/2011: Agree with below. Not such a
mouthful as a typical jammy shiraz, but still a little sweet and lacking in
depth. Somehow the flavor leavels one with a slightly empty sensation - a little
synthetic/manufactured (690 views)

I'd like Rose to do a similar review for Green Apple Jooze, or Chris to do one on Busch Light or moonshine. I think that would help class this joint up. Not that the chick flipping over her handle bars into a giant pond doesn't already achieve that goal.

This has nothing to do with anything.

Enjoy:

History Repeats Itself...

(insert your own training montage here)

In order not to hear any combination of the following during hour one of the broylimpics:

1). AED anyone?
2). Even his vomit is bacon scented.
3). That seems about right. (in reference to my life expectancy)
4). No one looses control of his bowels w/ less dignity.

I decided to implement a loose* training regiment. After maneuvering through central PA's largest buffet, and sampling the Fugate's meat basket last weekend I was off to an ominous start.

*like Paris Hilton (minus the copious amounts of STD's) after a bottle of Grey Goose.

I had hoped to hop back on the tread mill with some NCAA 2009 College Football. I fired up my dynasty (last saved in 2008). I remember why I quit playing. A sloppy loss to Illinois washed over me like a Nam flashback. After spotting Michigan 24 points in the first two quarters, I decided it was too detrimental to the health of my fake college program (last touched 3 years ago) to continue treadmill gaming. Being the competitor that I am, I found a comfy position in my recliner and miraculously scored with 7 seconds left in the 2nd quarter to bring the score 24-7. Long story short, I ended up winning 42 - 31. Maybe the 4th best day of my life.

I'm no physician, but my heart rate was certainly up, so I've decided to stick with my tried and true mode of achieving heart rate acceleration...porn and sports.

I think the results speak for themselves.

+ 2 pounds

Special Message

Print this out and hang it above your bed.

(next to your A.C. Slater centerfold)

Bulletin Board Material

On how Ty's new place is generally a centralized location for everyone except for Rose and Anthony:

That's what you get for moving to shitsburg. F*ck him. Quote me on that.

- Chad L. (six beers deep*)

*at least

2010 Rewind: sponsored by Tampax

Here we take a look back at a very competitive moment from the 2010 games:

Don't adjust your monitors, britches and/ or bitches...

WE'RE BACK BABY!

Hopefully everyone is well into their Brolympic off-season conditioning. If your goal was to see me more out of shape than last year*... than mission accomplished.

* for those playing at home, this means I'll cramp up in the middle of the first event instead of after it.


GAME DAY

This should already be highlighted/ bedazzled on your calendar...The 2011 Brolympics will Commence on Oct. 15, 2011.

POLL(ish SAUS)

We have a variety of topics that need to be hammered out before now and October. What better way to handle this than by tossing out some polls. We will attempt to hear everyone's preferences, but due to logistics/ me not giving a damn you may be stuck with certain events you may or may not be thrilled about. (sorry Rose, no competitive deep throating/ speed jooze bonging)

That being said, get to voting.

NEW EVENTS

If you have any events that aren't listed on the poll, please share your thoughts asap. (whether the above is selected or not, know I will be purchasing stock in their company. I mean, I like where their heads are at...I can only assume that is vodka squirting onto the rink right?)


PARTING MOTIVATIONAL THOUGHT

Eat your vitamins, rest your livers, stretch your vagina's* and say your prayers, Brolympics 2011 is right around the corner.

*DO NOT google image search vagina stretch (at least not at work)