Starting Line Ups- Part Two

We're back with the second half of our deep dive into the music stylings of our favorite Bros.  Visit Part One for a peak at Team Fugate's eclictic mix.  Today, we're looking at the reigning Champs and their suprising collection of hits.

 #40- Chris E.

Often known for his bombastic rage, he channels that energy into his latest offering.  His first since his quadruple platinum album, "Eff your effing feelings, you effing eff", or "F-Cubed" as his fans have dubbed it. His latest, pushes his creativity to new heights.  He turned his big Craigslist purchase of an old soviet era tank into a substitute for all the percussion audio* on this album.  To accomplish this feat, he ended up firing a few thousand cannon rounds in the direction of Pittsburgh during the recording sessions.  It should come as no surprise that he swapped all audio from the cymbals by ferociously dip spitting into old tin trash cans.  

*The cowbell remains.

Track List:

1. Four Months, Three Sets of Clubs

2. Easy Bake Dutch Oven

3. Hundred Dollar Cheese Cake

4. Ringer, Ringer, Hot Wing Dinner

5. B.L.R.E.A.M. (Busch Light Rules Everything Around Me)

6. Grizzly Can Jam

7. Dick

8. Belt Buckle Bottle Opener

9. Just Another Jamboree Two-Hundered and Forty Pack 

A must have staple for any collection:

#8- Mike E.

Initially banned in most stores ending in "Mart", this gem works hard to get its explicit rating.  Other publications marveled at the pure filthiness of his deli menu/ Kamasutra allegories.  

Sample Lyrics:

Yo! Bum Rush

The Cafeteria

Hit that Salad Bar

Like a Slip and Slide

Dive Face First

Into That 

Sloppy.

Open.

Face.

Pastrami Sandwich.

Hold The Pickle

Hold it Some More

Just Desserts

Don't play this around your parents, kids, pastors or with your windows down:

#43- Chad L.

Team Erno's backstop won the 1983 Star Search with what turned out to be the first track of this Office Space meets a Casio on Steroids mash up.  He landed in the top ten of Casey Caseum's top 40 for 58 consecutive weeks, hitting #1 with half of his tracks on this all time great.

Track Listings:

1. Peanut Butter Copier-Jam Time

2. The Memo

3. Cubicle Cluster F

4. Case of the Mondays

5. Wh-wh-wh-white Out!

6. Flair

7. Swingline Fire Drill

8. My Two Bobs

9. Jump! (To Conclusions)

10. The TPS Report Shuffle

11. Two Chicks

12. Michael Bolton

Do yourself a favor and buy two copies:

#27- Dave W.

Cobled together during a bender disguised as a golf trip, this frantic, high energy hair metal/ 80's era hip hop combo shouldn't work.  Zip, Zap, Rap had a huge underground following, but music execs could not get behind the concept of the record.  Credit the Teen Vogue centerfold for launching this album into the mainstream. 

Sample Lyrics:

DEVISTATING!

That's who I am

Breaking hearts and 

Healing spines

Zippity do dah

Zappity day

Emancipate my pants

I'm a Turntable Slave

No need to pour some sugar on this album, it's already TOO SWEET!:

#22- Dave R.

He was a staple at landscape contractor trade shows, until he was discover when video of him singing an a cappella cover of Presidents of the United States' "Peacehes", while chainsawing a floor model dump truck in half went viral.  This album marked his triumphant return to the spotlight after his Behind the Music special landed him in rehab due to a Joose dependency.  Despite the clearly plagiarized lyrics from established artists, this album still reached the highest level of success, going triple platinum. 

Sample Lyrics: 

Faaaaaaaaaaaaather..

Why do you always send the poor?

One!

Something's got to give

Two!

Mmmmmmmmuther

Do you want to find hell with me?!

I'm just sitting 

In my car

Waiting for...

BLAST OFF

IT'S PARTY TIME

WAKE UP

GRAB A BRUSH AND 

PUT ON A LITTLE MAKEUP 

Nothing's Wrong with me

Let the bodies hit the floor

Let the bodies hit the floor

Let bodies hit the floor

Disorder

Disorder

Disorder

Here we go, here we go, here we go:

Once again let's hear it for the champs!  Before we bid adieu, we have one more classic album to share.  Much like Team Fugate, Team Erno did a group collaboration as well.  It ranks somewhere between Wu-Tang and The Beatles as far as super groups.  

Enjoy the games everyone, good luck to our exceptional Broathletes!

Starting Line Ups- Part One

A tradition like no other, The Starting Line Ups.  It always signals that Brolympics is right around the corner.  This year we're focusing on the fellas' extracurricular activities. As the saying goes, all artists want to be athletes and all athletes want to be artists.  Well, your favorite Bros are no different. Without further ado, The Brolympic Platinum street investigation team has dug through all the back issues at the local record stores and have unearth their biggest hits.

First up, last year's runner ups (editors note: Damn that feels good to say), TEAM FUGATE:

#6- Anthony D.

This South Central PA transplant, now making his mirth in Beaver Falls, turned his love of leather fringe jackets and lab mice into a soulful exploration of the human body.  It's a real panty dropper.  

Sample lyrics: 

Whaaaaaahooooooooooooo... baby!

babybabybaby

Dat Swamp Dogg is Back!

I want to run 

Through your dreams

Drag my finger 

Across yo boooooody

 Like I did 

When I was thirteen 

And studying

 A street atlas 

In Shire-Town

Seven One Seven

For LIFE

A four funnel classic, prescribed at 9 out of 10 fertility clinics:

#20- Tyler F.

A deep cut from the Commish, and a departure from his radio friendly first album.  This scorcher of an EP, evokes an image of Danzig, visiting a fireworks factory after two flights of premium tequila.  It's no secret to followers of our blog how coveted limited edition vinyls are to us.  That's why we're forever on the hunt for the one off version of this record that has a cartoon mash up of John Kruk's testicle in the image of Garfield's dog Odie seared onto "Side B". 

The song titles tell the story of this fan favorite album:

1. The Ballad of Inky and Lenny

2. The Three Putt Blues

3. Hop Crisis Ain't No Crisis to Me

4. Sarasota Faceplanting

5. F@#! You Bo Jackson's Hip

6. Sinkhole Splits and Grizzly Spit

7. Every Rose vomits in my Living Room

Solid from start to finish:

 

#13- Steve L.

Perpetual hustler, this perennial MVP favorite picked up the squeeze box for his third studio album, and not only surprised this reviewer, but the entire nation with his exciting take on a properly balanced offensive playbook.

Sample Lyrics:

I don't know why it's so difficult

 To comprehend,

Why do others make life so hard?!  

Simply pound it 

Between the tackles,

 Eat clock 

And move those chains!

This is an instant classic: 

#26- Nate P.

The global appeal of this album is unmistakable.  It was crafted with a full-proof formula.  Daisy Dukes + International Lyrics = Official goal song for FC Barcelona.  Fun fact: Real Madrid got in a bidding war with FC Barcelona for the exclusive rights to play, " Goal Olè Goalie' ".  Many speculate that his world wide appeal is what cost Pit Bull his job hosting various awards shows.  

Sample Lyrics:

Umbros for days

From Venice 

To Buenos Aires

I like Tacos and Lasagna

My corner kick slays

Fish n' Chips 

Breakfast of Champions

Raise your pint

Goooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaal!

Olè

Goalie

Goooooooooooooaaaaaaal!

Olè

Goalie

This infectious beat will be stuck in your head all day:

#10- Mike M.

This crooner's high concept LP took a deep look into a familiar relationship we all have...with ourself.  Ground breaking at the time for its honest introspection and willingness to share of ones soul, this deservedly won the "Most Creative Slim Jim Placement" award at the 1987 MTV Video Music Awards (a huge upset over the Macho Man Randy Savage's "Oooooooh Yeah! Volume 3"). 

Sample Lyrics:

Alone

With Myself

And also Myself

Oh shit who's there?

F yeah, it's Randy!

Ohhhhh Yeah

Pass the Steak Special

Flying Elbow to 

The Darkness of My Soul

A hearty five funnel rating:

That's it for Part I of the Selection Show.  We'll leave you with this Team Fugate classic collaboration:

Brolympic VIII Prop Bet Extravaganza

 Prop Bets due by Sept. 10

To help answer your scramble questions, current scramble participants are: Ty, Mike E., Chris, Dave R., Steve, Dave W., and Anthony. 

Please return your answers by Sunday, 9/10/17. If you don't have a ton of time, it will only take 5 minutes to blow through the questions and jot an answer down.  As always, the more research you do, the worse your odds of winning are. (proven fact)  Five american dollars to play, winner takes all.

THE Official Brolympic VIII Events

Brolympic VII Recap: Part Five

Something tells me a 10 event competition shouldn't take 5 updates and 8,000 words to cover, but listen...I don't play by your rules.

EVENT SIX: FOOTBALL TOSS
After the photo shoot with the van driver, BROVII transitioned to the sometimes controversial Football Toss.  Rose, evidently worried about his shirt restricting his range of motion, brought sexy back:

Caption curtosey of Motz-  "Because Vlad Loves you"

Round One:

Mike E. started this best of three rounds off for Team Erno with a six point round.  Anthony, powered by some Grizzly,  followed for Team Fugate with a 6 point round of his own.  Game tied 6-6. 

Chad was up next for Team Erno and tossed in a 4 point performance.  Ty, suffering some arm fatigue from the last game of bowling, also threw a 4 point round.  Game still tied 10-10.

Sitting in the bullpen after their turns.

Weaver, looking to put some points on the board, doubled Team Erno's points with a ten point round.  Lewis followed for Team Fugate and was just about up for the challenge of keeping pace with Dave, scoring a strong 8 points of his own.  Team Erno up 20-18.

BSPN spared no expense with exclusive camera placement this year.

Chris followed up for Team Erno dropping 8 more points on the competition.  Nate also up to the task answered the bell with 8 points for Team Fugate. Team Erno clinging to a 28-26 lead.

Vladimir came in to close the door for Team Erno and threw...you guessed it, another 8 point round.

Motz was Team Fugate's final hope, but came up just a tad shy joining the crazy eight parade.  Team Erno ekes out a 36-34 round one victory.  

Round 2

Mike E. found a little bit of lighting and opened the second round by riffling in the eventual game high 14 points. Anthony couldn't keep pace with his Italian cohort, and tossed a four spot.  Team Erno enjoys an early 10 point lead, 14-4. 

Up next for Team Erno, Chad adds another half dozen points.  The Commish matches Chad's 6 with 6 of his own.  Team Erno still holding on to a 10 point lead.  20-10. 

Weaver hammered home a robust 12 points, but in a gunslinger's duel, Lewis answered with 12 of his own.  32-22 Team Erno.  Chris added 4 for Team Erno,  with Nate following him with 6 points.  Team Erno's lead down to 8 points, up 36-28. 

Is that Chop Suey I hear?  Rose emerges from the pen once again to shut the door on Team Fugate and zips home 8 points.  Motz needing to score 16 to force a tie in round two, fell a few points shy with a 3 spot.  Team Erno wins Round two 44-31, as well as the event, tying the day at 3 events a piece. 

PROP BETS:

• MVP: Mike E. was jotted down in the official BRO VII stat book, even though Weaver definitely had the most total points, besting Mike's 20 by 2 points. 

TEAM ERNO 3 - TEAM FUGATE 3

EVENT SEVEN: HORSE SHOES

FINALLY the broathletes get to put all of Mike E.'s hard work Friday morning to use...well...sort of.  In series of questionable events, they decided to forgo playing this event while the sun was shining.  At all. So, on the edge of the woods, under the tree canopy, with the sun dipping down behind the horizon, they decided to start throwing chunks of curved metal at each other. Helen Keller playing dodgeball in a dark cave was not as visually compromised as these Mensas.

In an attempt to increase the safety of this event, Mike E. pulled his truck into the yard to shine his headlights at the pits, effectively blinding one side of the competition that much more.  In a shit show of an event, Team Erno prevailed with Weaver and Mike E. beating Anthony and Nate 15-2, while Chris and Chad vanquished Mike M. and Ty 11-4. (I believe called due to Marcellous like darknesss)

Team Erno may have just taken their latest lead in the day in Brolympic History.  

PROP BETS:

• First Ringer: Weaver
• Most Ringers by one Player- Over/Under 2.5: UNDER
• MVP: Weaver (probably scored all 15 of his and Mike E's points)

TEAM ERNO 4 - TEAM FUGATE 3

EVENT EIGHT: CORNHOLE

This is by far the part of the evening where there is less and less documentation as to what transpired.

Considerably less documentation.

PROP BETS:

• MVP: Ty

TEAM ERNO 4 - TEAM FUGATE 4

EVENT NINE: FOOSBALL

There was some down time leading up to the start of Foosball.  Time for Santa Deluca to release his intermission entertainment program. The audience was riveted.

The first match up of the evening found Anthony and Mike M. vs. Rose and Chad.  Rose and Chad Pele'd the competition in a competitive game 10-8.

The second match up pitted Steve and Nate vs. Weaver and Chris. In another tightly contested match, Team Fugate took down Team Erno 10-7, drawing the need for a third match.  

The rubber match pitted Ty and Motz vs. Mike E. and Weaver.  Team Fugate's zone defense was no match for Weaver's wicked wrist action.  Team Erno prevails 10-3.  For the first time ever, Team Erno has reached the 5 win mark.  Although by this time of the night this reviewer didn't have a firm grasp of the score.

PROP BETS:

• Combine score of deciding game, Over/Under 16.5 points: UNDER
• Most goals in one game by one person, Over/Under 5.5 points: OVER
• Player w/ most goals in one game: Weaver
• Number of goals in one game by our favorite defensemen, Juan, Over/Under- 3.5 points: UNDER
• MVP: Weaver

TEAM ERNO 5 - TEAM FUGATE 4

EVENT 10: DARTS (CRICKET)

Once again, this reviewer doesn't have much to go on for this event, because of...reasons.

Mike E. taking a breather in between turns at darts. 

(for the wives, family members or potential future employers that may be alarmed/ worried/ disgusted, please know this picture is approximately 90% staged*.)

*minus 100

While some were losing steam, others were still going strong:

Moonshine + Busch Light makes Chris a happy boy. 

Those that were still documenting the evening say this fella went on a hot streak to help Team Erno win the event...and thus...THEIR FIRST BROLYMPIC CHAMPIONSHIP!  There was much celebrating:

But much like his cousin back in BRO III, Mike E. vanished. This fuzzy Italian, Irish Goodbye'd BROVII hard. It took a few minutes to realize he wasn't there.  Meanwhile, Chris had a HORNITOS! surprise for him in the celebratory cup.

Luckily Weaver and Ty found Mike E. and brought the celebration to him/ on him. 

DARTS PROP BETS:

• First to close out a number: Rose
• First to hit bullseye: Rose
• First to break a tip: Chad
• First to miss board: Anthony
• MVP: Chris

TEAM ERNO 6 - TEAM FUGATE 4

That does it for another exhausting yet, entertaining trip down memory lane.  Thanks to all the bros that make this weekend so special and memorable. It's an honor.  Congrats to Team Fugate for their historic run.  Great work Team Erno to over come a 1-3 deficit and close the day 5-1 for your first title!  Can't wait to see what record breaking performances will transpire in Brolympic VIII.  Till next time.  

Brolympic VII Recap: Part Four

EVENT 4- THREE POINT SHOOTOUT

After three events, Team Fugate is up 2 -1 and heading into another heavily favored event- Three Point Shoot Out. The shooting order selected randomly the night before:

As you can see, the Brolympic Gods smiled on Team Fugate when they matched up Steve and Anthony as the anchors of the last two rounds to go up against notorious ballers Mike E. and Chad.  As a reminder, this event is a best of three round format.  Players shoot from 5 different spots on the court.  3 shots per spot. 2 regular balls worth one point each.  One "money ball" (mini ball) worth two points.

Mike E. and Chad preparing to anchor Team Erno.

Chris started round one for Team Erno with 4 points.  Motz knocked in 3 points to leave Team Erno with a 4-3 lead.  Rose followed with a respectable 5 point performance, besting Nate's 4 point round. Team Erno still clinging to a lead, 9-7.  Mid way through the first had Weaver matching Rose's 5, while Ty matched Nate's 4.  Team Erno up 14-11. A dark horse performance from Mike E. found him putting in a short lived game high of 6 points.  Steve feeling disgusted by his teams performance in this event, and especially at the site of a bloated Italian banking home half a dozen points, went off for a new game high, 11 points.  Team Fugate now up 22-20.  Looking to salvage the round for Team Erno, Chad knocked in a valiant 3 points, to put Team Erno ahead by a precarious one point with one shooter to go.  Anthony quickly vanquished any delusions of a Team Erno first round victory with a 6 spot of his own.  Team Fugate takes round one, 28 - 23.

 Both Steve and Chris showing excellent form.

Chris opened Round 2 with 6 points, giving Team Erno a little life.  However, recent HR Derby King, Mike M. was still feeling it, and matched Chris with 6 points of his own.  Round 2 tied 6-6.  Rose followed with a 4 point performance, but Team Erno couldn't find any separation as Nate xeroxed Rose's performance with another 4 points.  Round 2 still knotted up at 10 a piece.  Weaver joined the four party but the Commish broke the tie in a big way with an 8 point round.  Team Fugate up 18-14.

Chad fueling up before a pivotal 2nd round match.

Mike E., sensing he had some work to do, immediately shit the bed with a 2 point round, and Steve continued to add some cushion for the Champs with a 6 point round.  Team Fugate up 24-16. Down to their last shooter, Chad came out firing for Team Erno and scored a team high 7 points, but anyone with a second grade education can do the math, Team Erno was cooked.  With zero stakes, Anthony cruised to another 7 points to close out Round 2 with a score of 31-23 in favor of Team Fugate.

PROP BETS:

• Highest Round: Lewis 
• Highest Round for Single Player Over/Under- 9.5 points: OVER
• First Air Ball: Chris
• Mike Total Points Over/Under- 7.5: OVER (barely) 
• MVP: Lewis

TEAM ERNO 1 - TEAM FUGATE 3

LUNCH BREAK/ VAN RIDE

After some much needed lunch, the new and improved van arrived to take us to the bowling alley.  Like Home Alone, we did a count to make sure we had everyone in the van.  Only needing the fingers from both hands, it was easy to tell we were only missing two. Moments later, the Commish and Weave arrived from the garage with their hands full of half and 3/4 spent liquor bottles, as if they were packing for a bachelor party on the Oregon Trail. To be fair, we didn't know how long we'd be stuck in the van and it's better to be safe than to be sober sorry.  

 There's a guy that knows how to handle some DUDE.

 That's one way to fight dysentery on the Oregon Trail.

More shots from the luxury ride. 

Like any good stewards of Earth, we had some recycling to do once we arrived. 

EVENT FIVE- BOWLING

With the closing of Cedar Lanes (RIP), we returned to our Brolympic I location, Palmyra Bowing Alley, and most importantly to Chris...the Sinkhole Saloon.  Down 3-1 for the day, Team Erno finds themselves in a familiar situation heading into this fan favorite event.

GAME ONE:

Anthony opened game one with a strike for Team Fugate.  Unfortunately Palmyra does not have radar guns, but we did watch a little girl turn 6 and 7 before his ball reached the pins.  He remained mostly quiet for the rest of the game before notching a spare in the 9th and finishing with 108.  Mike E. opening for Team Erno and responded with a surprising spare.  To his chagrin, he struggled the remainder of game one, tarnishing his lone bright spot, a strike in the fifth frame, with a double gutter ball performance in the sixth.  The Motz line may need adjusted, or renamed, as he finished with an 86.  Speaking of Mike M., he sat with a score of 80 going into the 10th frame.  He would need a miracle to get to triple digits.  As if on cue, he strike, gutter ball, spared his tenth and extra frame to reach 100 points.

Chris followed for Team Erno and marked in 7 of his 10 frames, including a strike in the 10th to score a healthy 136.  Nate kept pace by marking in 6 of his 10 frames, including a strike of his own in the 10th for a robust 140.  Dave W. starting slow (for him) found himself with a 91 after 9, but promptly strike/spared his 10th and extra frame to finish with a 111.

Ty also had an uncharacteristic round for himself (dream round for Mike E.) but he was in prime condition with the extra curricular events that always transpire at bowling. Marking in three frames with two strikes, he finished with a 106.

A pivotal moment in the first game found Ty and Rose matched up in the final frame with Team Fugate up by about 10 points.  Both Ty and Rose were coming off spares in the 9th. Ty opened with a six and Rose followed with a nine.  Ty only got half of his remaining pins and Rose closed the door with another spare.  Chaos ensued...

Celebration gone wrong, or unintentional proctology exam?

Rose started slow, but ultimately found his A Game with 6 of 10 marks, including Strike, Strike, Spare, Spare in the final four frames. His 150 would be the high mark for game one.  Also enfuego, Steve had an amazing 3-8 frames, marking in all but the 7th, including 3 strikes.  He ended with a 138, as well as snagging the first gutter ball prop bet honors. Chad sealed the deal for Team Erno, littering 4 spares throughout the round and finished with 119.

Bowling Game One: Team Erno 602 - Team Fugate 592

GAME TWO:

This recap is getting entirely too long.  Let's jump to some high lights:

• Not the "greatest" of rounds for Team Erno.  Weaver bowled out of his mind, marking in 7 frames for a team high 159.  Rose had 114, Chad 102, Chris 99.
• Somehow the event got worse for Mike E. as not only did he fail to mark, he failed to hit pins on one of his attempts for each of the last 6 frames, bottoming out at a wincing (and potential Brolympic Low) 74 points. 
• On the flip side, Team Fugate were lights out bonkers.  Lead by Motz's 70 point swing from game one, every single player landed in triple digits.  Despite knocking down three strikes, Anthony had Team Fugate's team low of 111 points. (Which was three points away from tying Rose for second place on Team Erno). Ty picking up steam, bowled a 131.  Nate had another strong performance with 135 points, as well as Steve picking up 139.  But the dude that is having a sneaky good BROVII, Mike M. crushed with 170 points. His first six frames were Spare, Strike, Strike, Strike, Spare, Spare.  He then spared the 10th frame just for fun.  

Bowling Game Two: Team Erno 558 - Team Fugate 686

Now before we get around to the rubber match, lets dive into some of the previously mentioned side adventures-

Not pictured, approximately 14 pitchers of beer, multiple baskets of wings, and Chris buying Little Beers (shots) for us, as well as a complete stranger at the bar.

Pictured...these gems:

The game may have cost four quarters, but the superfluous pointing was free. 

 

GAME THREE:

Nitty gritty recap time-

• The big game hunting must have helped, because Chris and Ty went off in game three.  Ty marked in an incredible 8 out of 10 frames for an event high 175.  Chris marked 7 times, but 4 of them came in the 8th, 9th and 10th frames, finishing spare, strike, strike, strike for a total of 168.  
• Anthony and Steve both marked 6 times a piece for matching 137 scores.  Motz came back down to earth with a 79 and Nate finished with 91. 
• Mike E. got off the schnide with a team low 118, as Chad's 123, Rose's 119 and Weaver's 149 provided the bounce back game that Team Erno needed to win Game 3 of Bowling as well as the event. 

Bowling Game Three: Team Erno 677 - Team Fugate 619

Despite taking pictures of the scoreboard throughout the event, a certain reviewer had no idea Team Erno had won bowling.  The entire van ride back to Bro HQ he was under the impression that Team Fugate was ahead 4-1 for the day.  Speaking of the van, some more prop bets were covered:

PROP BETS:

• Pictures w/ Van Driver: Over/Under 3.5- OVER
• First Strike: Anthony
• Highest Score in One Game: Ty
• Score of Highest Scoring Player: Over/Under 170.5- OVER
• Lowest Bowling Score: Mike E.
• Score of Lowest Scoring Player: Over/ Under 92.5- UNDER
• Highest Team Bowling Score in One Game: Over/ Under 695.5- UNDER
• First Gutter Ball: Lewis
• MVP: Weaver (Highest total score 419, besting Ty by 5 points)

Team Erno 2 - Team Fugate 3

UP NEXT:

• God Willing, the Rest of the Day
• "Ew this isn't Busch Light!!"