Bro X Recap- Part 2

 FRIDAY NIGHT

As is typically the case after 36 holes, the post course meal is clutch as energy begins to dip into the evening. 

After the rest of the guys settle into Bro HQ, the annual selection show was about to begin.  At some point we notice the commish is missing.  A modest search party was dispersed to the master bedroom of Bro HQ.  Much like a vampire after crashing a blood drive, he was in a propofol like slumber. Extreme efforts to revive this proud warrior proved futile.  Despite our  best efforts, along with the bedroom Alexa and the fellas from System of a Down, the champ was donzo for the day.  

After a brief delay, the selection show commenced around 9:30 p.m.  Our standard games of Know Your Bros, Know Your Rose, and other Bro related trivia were played, along with the unveiling of event lineups.  For the 10 year event celebration, Bros received their regular team shirts, along with a commemorative caricature shirt.  A labor of love followed with the passing out of the Official Brolympic Almanac. 

This was possibly the quietest Brolympic moment since the in memoriam segment from the Brocho. (less Bone Thugs though) Very happy that everyone seemed to enjoy them.  

A look back at Brolympic I was shown to round out the evening, and a longer retrospective was played as half the crew slowly succumbed to the lengthy day.  

Mort Report

We received a bummer of an update first ting Saturday morning. Chris Mortensen had breaking news that Nate had been up half the night with what we can only assume was the first undocumented case of Covid-19.  Team doctors felt his status was questionable, but after an infusion of electrolytes, he shrugged the medical advice off and gave the exact same speech from Wolf of Wall Street.

Opening Ceremonies

The Weav/ Chuck romance hit an early morning snag,

but their love proved too strong. 

One of my favorite traditions kicks off our 10th year!

<editor's note- this year's recap is going to kill me, as I can't get any of our glorious videos to work. It's not frustrating at all and a terrific use of my time. I'll make it up to you all by doing a can opener in the quarry this weekend.>

Prop Bets:

• Funnel Speed, over/under 5.5 seconds: Over 

Up Next:

• A rapid fire recap of the events.

Bro X Recap- Part I

Can you believe it? 10 years.  Who would have thought...a bunch of idiots in their early 30's trying to find time to hang out, have a few drinks and sprinkle in some light competition, would turn a one day gathering into a multiple day spectacle?  This one day multi-event tournament rapidly morphed into something pretty special, complete with pyrotechnics, state of the art multimedia presentations, incredible feats of stupidity and a sporadic athletic performance for the ages. 

Since 2010, our work responsibilities have changed, our families have grown, and we've had the occasional health scare; yet this weekend still shines like lit flatulence on a moonless night. Every year this explosive mix of competition, absurd ABV and waning testosterone produces countless memories, questionable bruises and a stupid amount of laughter.  

Without sounding like a complete psychopath, it's a comfort to know that so many of you feel as protective of what we have as do I.  And now, I'm out of words to this preamble and am about to flood you with copious amounts of golf photos.  

Without further ado, a hasty Brolmpic X recap, based on one Bro's failing memory of a weekend approximately 365 days ago (That's roughly 827 days in 2020 time)

*******************************************************************

THURSDAY

The excitement leading up to Bro X was off the charts.  As always, the group text is a source for some A+ content as finale preparations are being made.  Some share their impressive selection, 

while others clock in and get a head start on their Brolympics weekend.

Some fairly accurate prognostication takes place...

And eventually Bros begin to trickle into Bro HQ.  

Local fun fact: A strange man greeting children after school with an open Busch light is not that uncommon in Cornwall. 

Old friends are reacquainted as the evening creeps closer to tomorrow morning's tee time.  

FRIDAY

We're chock full of Bros for a.m. golf.  Pairings are: 

• Dave W., Dave R., Nate and Anthony
• Chris, Mike E., Ty and Lewis

More strange men at the bus stop, as Rose attempts to 21 Jump Street an Elementary School. 

As previously forecasted, a hornitos three-putt made an appearance at hole 1. Speaking of appearance, Chad clocks in for the weekend and is immediately put to work, bringing refreshments through Ty's woods.  Aaaaaand, speaking of woods this walking advertisement for proper golf etiquette was caught cleaning the Cornwall forest floor. Smokey the Bear approves. 

DIVOT!

The Team Erno vs. Team Fugate scramble kicked off around 2:30.  Chris immediate left hole 1 to go back to Bro HQ, concerned that his two beers would not last until the turn.  He of course was 1000% right as by the third hole he was keeping pace with his customary one Busch Light per hole. 

Probably a hole in one.  Who can remember?

It's really not fair for Team Fugate that Busch Light is a performance enhancer. 

Turf Merkin (TM) 

The Whiz Trilogy

Editor's note: If any of Team Fugate has pictures, I'll happily post them.

PROP BETS:

• Longest Drive Hole 1: Weaver
• First Swing and Miss: Nate
• First in Sand Trap: Lewis
• First to Lose Ball: Lewis
• First to Complete Par or Better: Weaver
• Closest Drive to Hole #5: Weaver
• Hole 7 Combined Lost Balls, Over/ Under 2.5: Over
• First Hole w/ Hornitos, Over/ Under .5: Over
• Number of Busch Lights for Chris, Over/ Under 11.5: Over
• First Hole to Light up Cigar, Over/ Under 9.5: Under
• Winning Team Score, Over/ Under + 3.5 Over Par: Under

UP NEXT:

• Selection Show Nighty Night for the Commish
• Bro X Swag Blowout (aka The Most Time Consuming Swag Ever)
• Video Retrospectives

Public Service Announcement

 

Nine Times: Recap Part VII

Cut me Mick! I'm not sure it's ever taken 7 posts to thoroughly recap a Brolympics. I'm exhausted, pantless and out of words.  Let's finish strong...

EVENT EIGHT: 3 PT. SHOOTOUT

Team Fugate finds themselves up 4-3 on the day, heading into 3 point shootout...an event that they've never lost in. Like any event eight, the time of day "may" effect some performances. 

Fresh off his Soccer Shootout MVP and diving board related ankle injury, Nate lead off for Team Fugate, where he matched his soccer shootout points with one.  Chris opened for Team Erno, knocking down 4 points to take an early 4-1 lead. 

Deluca followed Chris with a 5 spot for Team Fugate, putting them momentarily ahead 6-4.  Weaver vanished that lead with a round high 8 points, putting Team Erno back on top 12-6.  Ty hammered home 4, and Chad bricked in a one spot.  13-10 Team Erno.

Lewis feeling the moment, put up a five spot to re-take the lead for Team Fugate 15-13.  Rose following Chad's lead, added one, to cut the deficit in half.  15-14 Team Fugate after 4 rounds. 

The final round pitted And-1 hoop legends Motz and Mike. E against each other.  Motz looking to put some cushion on Team Fugate's lead, did not achieve the results he was looking for and ended with zero points.  Historically b-ball impaired Mike E. needed one to tie and two for the round one win.  Channeling his inner MJ (Jordan, not serial pediphiler Michael Jackson), knocked down what has to be a career high round for him w/ 6 points.  Team Erno takes round one 20-15. 

Round 2 opened with Nate tripling his opening round score with a 3. Big E. scored a TD and kicked the extra point with a 7 spot to give Team Erno the early 7-3 lead.  Twon momentarily tied things up with a four point round, before Weaver matched Chris's 7 with a 7 of his own.  Team Erno up 14-7. 

Ty, a creature of consistency, matched not only his own opening round, but his teammates last round, with another four spot.  Speaking of redundancy, Chad...who at this point of the evening was wobbling around the driveway dummying a pitcher of Nimble Giant...hopped on the 7 train with one of his own.  Team Erno up big 21-11. 

If Lewis was feeling the moment in round one, he was giving this moment a reach around and buying breakfast the next day, because he exploded for a game high 14 points, putting Team Fugate on his back and retaking the lead, 25-21.  Rose hit a two point conversion for Team Erno, but Team Fugate was still in the lead 25-23 heading into the last round.

The Mike's found themselves in a similar pickle to round one.  And like round one, Motz goose egged his way through the course.  Leaving Mike E. needing two to tie, and three to win.  Mike E. made his way around the key, hitting two and tying the event 25-25, before landing on the last spot.  Down to his final shot with the 2-point moneyball from the left hand corner, he adds some arc to his shot annnnnd....miraculously he swishes the shot to win the round and the event for the first time ever for Team Erno.

PROP BETS

• Highest 3 pt. Round: Lewis
• Highest 3 pt. Round, Over/Under 10.5: Over
• 1st Air Ball: Nate
• Mike E. Points, Over/Under 7.5: Over
• MVP: Mike E.

TEAM FUGATE 4 - TEAM ERNO 4

EVENT NINE: FOOSBALL

This may be one of the most important Foosball games in the history of Foosball.  With the day tied 4-4, there was a lot riding on it.  The round one match up pitted Nate and Motz vs. Weaver and Rose.  This tightly contested affair came down to one point.  Tied 9-9, Motz finds the back of the box to put Team Fugate up 1-0 in the best of three match up.  Goals scored: Motz (7), Nate (3), Weaver (4), Rose (5).

The second round match up found Lewis and Deluca facing off against Chad and Chris.  If the first game was as close as you can get, this was the polar opposite.  Lewis and Deluca curb stomped Team Erno 10-0.  Deluca scoring 7 and Lewis putting in 3, and earning the shut out (including a Chris self goal).  

PROP BETS

• Combined Score of Deciding Game, Over/ Under 16.5: Under
• Player w/ Most Goals in One Game, Over/ Under 7.5: Under
• Player w/ Most Goals: Motz and Deluca (7)
• MVPs: Motz, Deluca and Lewis

TEAM FUGATE 5 -TEAM ERNO 4

EVENT TEN: PONG BASEBALL

After an introduction in our developmental Friday night games, Pong Baseball makes it's proper Brolympic Games appearance in the biggest of all stages.  If Team Fugate wins, they continue their quest for their next Six-Peat, with another Championship. If Team Erno wins, then the day is tied and an audible has to be established as to what the tie-breaker event will be. Synchronized swimming may or may not have been a contender.  

Team Fugate opened the top of the first inning off with 7 runs, while Team Erno cobbled together 4 in the bottom.  Team Fugate up 7-4 after one. 

Team Erno's D stiffened in the top of the second and only let up 3 runs, while they matched their first inning total with another 4 runs.  Team Fugate remains in lead 10-8 after two. 

At some point during the game, an intermission was taken when Deluca disappeared to set off his pyrotechnics display.  

 It was either a fireworks display, or we were witnessing the fall of Fallujah.

Either way, we achieved nuclear fusion.  

Back to the games, Team Fugate got back on track with another 7 spot in the third inning, before team Erno went stupid with a fireworks display of their own.  They put up 18 runs in the bottom of the third, mostly playing small ball.  Team Erno up 26-17.  

Not to be out done, Team Fugate put on their own show with 11 runs in the top of 4.  They then absolutely shut down Team Erno in the bottom of 4, only allowing 1 run.  Team Fugate retakes the lead 28-27.  

The fifth and final inning saw Team Fugate tack on 10 more runs to give them a 38-27 lead.  Team Erno would need 11 to tie, 12 to win.  They came just a bit short of their goal, knocking home 5 runs.  Team Fugate wins the event, 38-32 as well as Brolympic IX.  

PROP BETS:

• First Home Run: Mike E.
• First Stolen Base: Deluca
• First RBI: Nate
• MVP: Lewis

TEAM FUGATE 6 - TEAM ERNO 4

BROLYMPIC IX CHAMPIONS: TEAM FUGATE

 

Congrats boys, can't wait to do it all again this weekend.  Until next time, stay classy Cornwall. 

Nine Times: Recap Part VI

Although Bowling may have just ended, our time at the lanes still had plenty of content to provide.  The now customary visit to the arcade always lures the bros like ants to a half spent freeze pop on the sidewalk.  Big Buck Hunter was broken or nowhere to be found this year, so the fellas had to make due with other electronic artillery based games. Comically, the arcade turned into a blend of every 90's action movie.

 Bad Boys

Heat

Lethal Weapon(s)

(with a touch of You've Got Mail at the end)

The commish once again requested to announce a clearance on vagisil, isle nine (aka, announce our departure). Enjoy this three part series on customer service:

The ask and reassurance that this is a fine idea

The Announcement

The second guessing of her decision making/ Trying to remember her Indeed login info. 

Once outside, things settled down with an impromptu Chipwich call to the bullpen, which produced an all-timer brolympic pic. (of which there are a few to go through.) (believe me).

The Pitchwich

The day continued to ramp up once inside the van with the first Tanteo appearance at a Brolympics. It was well received:

Press play for the reactions...stick around for Nate's Peter North analogy.

And just like that, Tanteo Face was born:

Fortunately for Rose, he had a plan to eliminate the "garden-like" aftertaste.

Finally back at Bro HQ, Motz and "Dirty Frank" were in a deep convo, trying to convince Frank to take us to his daughter's party.

While Weav, patiently waited to deliver an important message.

This videographer was then reminded why it's important to keep your head on a swivel. There's always content to capture:

As a reminder, the day is still knotted up after six events, although both teams easily should have been awarded points for intangibles during this epic run. 

TEAM FUGATE 3 - TEAM ERNO 3

EVENT SEVEN: SOCCER SHOOTOUT 2.0

In trying to incorporate the pool into an event, Soccer Shootout 2.0 was created. (naturally)  The scoring system is as follows: Each Brolympian was awarded 5 shots on the "goal".  The goal was the swimming pool.  You had to shoot it over the fence surrounding the pool, and have it land in the water, w/o bouncing on the deck.  Beyond that, the defending team can surround the pool to try and save shots from landing in the water.  Easy stuff, especially for a crew that are nine hours into the second day of a weekend bender. 

Up first was Chad who went first for Team Erno, followed by Lewis for Team Fugate.  After one round, things were all tied at zero goals, and there was a growing concern for the longevity of Ty's pool fence. 

Chris kicked off round two for Team Erno, and demonstrated how difficult the event really was:

Experts believe the lack of work boots hampered his efforts, as he kept things quiet at 0-0.  Team Fugate sent the Notorious A.N.T. up in their two spot.  He successfully broke the seal, and put Team Fugate up 1-0 for the event.  

Weaver followed for Team Erno.  He definitely put a hurting on the fence, but was also able to splash down with a goal of his own. 

Weave almost had two, as he fired one from the grassy knoll, that ultimately bounced off the far lip of the pool. Near miss. 

The event was 1-1, as the Commish kicked during the bottom of the third round.  It remained 1-1 heading into the top of round 4 w/ Mike E. kicking for Team Erno. Where it remained 1-1 heading to the bottom of round 4.

Mike E. did sent a missle wide right, taking out half of the pong table, and narrowly avoided demolishing a glass pitcher full of Nimble Giant. (as a certified pool operator, nothing is safer than a giant glass pitcher adjacent to to a drunken kicking competition)

Team Fugate sent Nate up to close out the 4th round.  Perpetual agitator and distractor extraordinaire, Motz, was pulling out all the stops next to Rose.  This proved costly for Team Erno, as Nate plopped a shot directly in front of the clearly distracted defender.  2-1 Team Fugate.

Looking for redemption, Rose closed out Round 5 for Team Erno, but like 70% of the competitors, was unable to knock one home.  Motz didn't need to kick for Team Fugate, as he already inflicted the necessary damage in securing a W.

PROP BETS:

• Most Points Scored: Tied- 1 (Weaver, Nate, Anthony)
• Number of Balls Landing in Water, Over/ Under 4.5: Under
• MVP: Nate

Additional Unsolicited Notes from Stat Book:

"Rose Fucked Da Fuck Up" 

TEAM FUGATE 4 - TEAM ERNO 3

This reviewer really wanted to power through this and finish the recap, but you all left too much content to squeeze into a short window.  Hopefully Blogger.com can host all the gigabytes of videos from this post. 

UP NEXT:

• A first for 3 PT shootout?
• Foosball? NO SPINNING!
• Happy Fun Times at Pong Baseball
• Champs

Nine Times: Recap Part V

The day is all tied up at 2-2, as we return to the refurbished volleyball layout in Ty's back yard.  Also welcome to the 200th post from Brolympic Platinum! (WE DID IT)

EVENT V: VOLLEYBALL

After a piss poor layout and controversial(ish) event last year, Volleyball was back for Bro IX.  With the help of  Nasa Satellites and some GPS enabled paint cans, we were able to establish 90 degrees of nirvana.  I don't mean to brag, but it was a crisp layout.  What I'm trying to say is this years court was squarer than George McFly. (nailed it)

Specifics of the event are slim, but the stat sheet backs Nate having a slight influence in the outcome, as he found himself covering prop bets for Spike, Dive, and Block.  Beyond those stats, there's also the photographic evidence of his effort.  At one point in the game, the side rope supports where talking so much smack to Nate, that he couldn't help himself and he Terry Tate linebacker sacked the shit out them. That or he was diving for an errant pass...I guess we'll never know.

The entire net support collapsed and we needed to take a five minute break to reset the court.  Nate came away from the incident, looking like a Battle Damaged He-Man figure.

First pre-bowling Spare Mark in Brolympics History.

He-Man making the "Itchy Merkin Face"
(Note to self, do not scratch w/ Battle Axe Hand)

NSFW

Side note, do you think He-Man went to the Holiday Hair at the Greyskull Mall, and asked for the Quaker Oats Dutch Boy special?  (That or Orko cut it for him...what a scamp)

Back to the event, in which a passer-by may confuse for a "Guys Gone Wild" taping (so much chest nudity!). I'm lacking a proper transition, or additional event detail. Sooo...Team Fugate remains undefeated in Volleyball, with a hard fought 21-18 victory.

PROP BETS:

• First Block at Net: Nate
• First Spike: Nate
• First Dive: Nate
• First Ace on Serve: Motz
• Rose Shirtless: Chest Tat was on Full Display
• MVP: Nate

TEAM FUGATE 3 - TEAM ERNO 2

EVENT SIX: BOWLING

Hopes ran high when the notice we received for our bus driver included this pic:

This guy was automatically added to our alternate list in the event one of us were unable to go.  He looks like he just dummied a sixer and topped it off with some crystal meth.  Also, his name is cleary "Eric M.", but Motz got us all calling him Frank. (He's a bad mother...)

Things stayed relatively quiet (for this group) on the way to the alley.  No impromptu "Playing w/ the Boys" sing-a-longs, no jerky slapping, no pounding of liquor (more on that later).

Round One of the always popular best of 3 format began w/ Chris ordering his customary round of little beers.  Nothing is more refreshing during an all day booze fest, than more alcohol mixed with heavy whipping cream. God bless the plumbing at Bro HQ.

None of the frames of the first game are recorded for Team Fugate, only the final scores. (Note to the Bros: Just like dating in the digital age, don't drunkenly press advance until someone snaps a pic)  No worries, as no one was really doing anything to write home about in the first game, save for maybe Weav.  Weaver spared his first three rounds, picked up a 9 on four, before going strike, strike, spare...marking on 6 of his first 7 rounds.  He promptly followed up that start, by missing spares on his last three rounds, but still finishing with a team high 155.  Mike E., making a strong case to reclassify the Motz line, pulled out a spare on 10, to scratch into the 80's. Here is how the rest of Team Erno made out:

Team Fugate had one shining star as well.  The Commish bowled a game high 158, besting Weaver by 3 points.  Nate saved Mike E. the honor of wearing a virtual Lilith Fair Shirt, tossing a very tough 68.  Here's how the rest of Team Fugate finished:

Motz- 113
ANT- 93
Nate- 68
Ty- 158
Lewis- 117

Team Erno wins the first Game 569 - 549.

Although we didn't hit the 10.5 over in pitchers ordered (8), everyone was properly in-one by the second game, and were once again bowling their brains out.

Ultimately, Dave found sleeves to be too restrictive. 

Capturing the rare sub 7 mph bowling release.

Speaking of technique...the Derby MVP had some mojo working for Game 2. 

The Boulevard of Broken Dreams.
(and Creepy Staring Koalas)

Motz came within 6 points of his opening game score, landing at 107 for Team Fugate.  Opening up the action across the ball machine from him was Mike E., who miraculously improved his Game One score by 79 points.  He marked in 7 of the 10 frames, including strikes in 4 of the last five. (counting a turkey in 8-10) and finishing with a career high of 167. This was no doubt the highlight of his bowling career and he promptly registered for the Professional Women's Bowling Association.  Anthony bested his opening game score by 17, marking three frames and slow rolling his way to a 110 finish. Meanwhile, Chris got the bear going for four marks and finishing with a 120.  

Nate, taking a cue from Mike E., improved his Game One score by more than double (78 points!), marking in 7 frames, including two strikes in the 10th, and finishing with a 146. Next up for Team Erno was Rose, who was absolutely enfuego.  His proprietary blend of Joose and Balco Pharmaceuticals powered him to marks in 9 frames, including five in a row to open the game, and a strike, strike, 9, strike/spare to close out frames 7-10.  Rose finishing with a new Brolympic Record of 192.  

Ty stayed hot for Team Fugate, marking in 6 frames, including a stretch where he marked 4 out of 5, and finished with one less than Nate at 145. Chad followed for Team Erno with 8 points better than his first game, finishing at 119.  Lewis found himself sitting at 99 points after 8 frames, and immediately ripped off a spare in the ninth and a strike/ spare in the tenth to catapult himself 40 points to a 139 finish.  However, it would not be enough for Team Fugate, as Weaver stayed consistent and bowled within 3 points of his opening game, finishing with a 152. Team Erno sets a Team Brolympic Bowling Record, bowling a 750, topping Team Fugate's, 647 and taking down Bowling.  

The previous Bro Bowling Records occurred during the classic BRO V bowling match.  Lewis bowled a 189, Ty 187, Chad 172, and Weaver a 168.  Team Fugate had the previous team record of 735 points. 

PROP BETS:

• Van Booze, Over/Under 3.5 different types: Under
• Number of Bros pics w/ Driver, Over/Under 5.5: Hilariously Over (stay tuned)
• First Strike: Ty
• High Score in One Game: Rose (192)
• High Score, Over/ Under 170.5: Well Over
• Lowest Bowling Score, Over/ Under 81.5: Under (68)
• High Team Score, Over/ Under 710.5: Over (750)
• First Gutter Ball: Rose
• Number of Pitchers of Beer, Over/ Under 10.5: Under
• Number of Little Beers, Over/ Under 6.5: Over

TEAM FUGATE 3 - TEAM ERNO 3

UP NEXT:

• Arcade Firing Range
• Chipwich Pitching
• Taaaaaaaaaaaaanteo Face
• Good Bye Pool Fence